Where are we now?
A year ago this week, I wrote the very first post for this blog. To be exact 5/21/13, was a Tuesday. But I didn’t want to wait until Wednesday to write it. The circumstances now are much different than they were then. When I first started to type out what would be my introduction, it was at a crossroads. I was reeling from the sudden end to my internship at NYU Langone the previous Monday afternoon. It was so defeating to have another volunteer experience come to a premature end, this time for reasons beyond explanation. I thought, here I am about to be five years removed from John Jay and my life hadn’t gone anywhere. But I was desperate to put the pain of the this loss behind me, so I took my counselor’s call when she offered to place me in another internship. On the following Tuesday, I and my suit would be meeting my then supervisor for the first time at the organization’s warehouse in Long Island City. It was clear to me at the end of the interview that I’d found a new place to call home, twice a week for forty business days.
I admit, I was burned out and thinking that this would end like all the other experiences on my resume. But to my surprise and my initial caginess, I flourished. I would help out from time to time in most facets of the warehouse, building the rapport and friendships that would make it a happy place to be every Tuesday and Thursday. At the time, I was wondering when it would come to an end as there was no prospects for a future at the end of it. But on the last Tuesday in late October, I didn’t want to leave as I would miss everyone terribly as November and December went on. There was no way to foresee the opportunity that would come up before Christmas.
I found out about the opportunity for the Donation/Dispatch Associate through another co-worker. I submitted my resume thinking that my inexperience would show through and I wouldn’t hear anything of it. But my presence was still strong as I was given an interview anyway. At the end of December, I was nervous about coming back, even if the interview was in friendly territory. But buoyed by one co-worker’s enthusiasm to see me and the other making my presence known to the rest of the building, I was able to ace the interview. But it wasn’t enough as they promoted from within. I thought that when this year began, it would be the last I’d hear of the warehouse. But surprise again, I was offered a temporary position with the Donations office at the end of January. I started effective January 30th, I’d waited five years for this day to come and it finally had.
I was happy to be finally working as a paid employee, instead of as a volunteer or a intern. My first stint was just for the first two weeks in February, getting their huge backlog squared away and beginning to slowly but surely grow into the aspects of the job. On Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be the end of the story once again. But a month later, I’d be back in the midst of the major loss of a beloved friend and co-worker. What was initially guilt about taking the job, became resolve to carry the work my co-worker cared deeply doing on a day to day basis. All doubts about whether or not I could handle this job have gone away with time.
In the year that has gone by, my social life was brought back from the dead. Up until this point, my social experiences consisted mainly of going to concerts alone and/or the occasional theater production with my sister, both of which bring me immense joy.The thought of socializing with other people filled me with dread and I really didn’t do much of it among my co-workers. I didn’t let anyone in to my life that wasn’t a friend or family member and even then, a mental wall was built to keep everyone back. That was until the day that I met “The Impossible Girl” aka Jen, sitting next to me in the office. She embraced me for the person that I am, and I embraced her. I haven’t felt this strongly about anyone in more than ten years. She is the ray of sunshine my life needed desperately. Going to her birthday party last November, I felt accepted by her friends. And with each moment we spend together , the belief builds that life can be awesome. It took a big hit the moment she left the warehouse and I’ve struggled to regain that feeling since. It’s a sad state of affairs when you need other people’s positive words to build you up to fight off the inner raging cynic. My personal life is the one piece of the puzzle left to complete.
As a whole, this year will go down as the best one I’ve had since 2003. I’m employed now part time and have something resembling a social life. I’m as happy now as I was walking through the halls of my high school . I want to see my life get better as time goes on and the hope remains that it will. I’ll never lose affection for the people and things that went before, I know I’ll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love them all.
