The impossible girl
The title of this post refers to Clara Oswin-Oswald, the moniker of the current companion on the tv series “Doctor Who”, portrayed by the actress, Jenna-Louise Coleman given to her by the eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith . The nickname also describes my friend and former co-worker Jen perfectly.
We first met last July. From the first introductions, I found myself spellbound by her. Here she was sitting near me every day and actually caring about what I had to say. Anything cynical or negative I thought, it faded away being near her. She is a positive person, which I don’t have many of nearby, with the exception of my sister. I have problems with self-confidence, brought on by years of being bullied and insecurity placed upon by other people. I was able to be myself around her and not be judged, criticized or made to feel awkward. From this point on, a beautiful friendship would begin to blossom.
Which is why I dreaded Thursday, October 29th, 2013. It was the last day of my internship. I was happy where I was and didn’t want to leave. I didn’t think anyone would care that I’d be gone. But it was the opposite, I’d be missed. Before lunch, Jen gave me a signed card by everyone at the PDC and a gift bag of her own. In it was a bar of chocolate, a mini bottle of honey bourbon and a personalized card.I thought on that date, I wouldn’t see her again for a long time. That was until the night of her birthday on November 30th. I was invited to her birthday at her apartment in Brooklyn, this was a first for me. Until this point, all the events I did were either by myself, with my sister or with my sister’s friends. I was really nervous as it was 99.5% her friends that night and I didn’t know how I’d be received. But to my surprise, I enjoyed myself and felt like I belonged that evening.
About two weeks before Christmas, I find out through a co-worker that one of the Donation/Dispatch Associate positions had opened up that and they needed temporary help. I’d been miserable in the two months since that last day, I’d figure that I would apply and hope that I’d be back at the PDC again. The interview was Friday morning, December 27th. I sat in the break room and my friend and dearly departed co-worker Mary sees me and couldn’t run fast enough toward me. At this point, all of my nerves had gone away. Then the next voice I hear over the intercom says “Oswald!” and it’s Jen. I initially felt embarrassed as she outed me to the entire building that I was interviewing but I then realized that it was better to have someone pulling for me to succeed. Even though I didn’t get the permanent position, I was able to return to work at the Donation Call Center on a part-time basis. The initial assignment was for two weeks in February. I wasn’t prepared for the news to come about six weeks later.
On March 12th, my co-worker and friend Mary had passed away. I was called back to work two days later. Unlike the entirety of my time at the PDC, I didn’t feel right telegraphing the fact that I was coming back, given the circumstances. I was welcomed back with open arms and we grieved and worked through this together. About a week or so later, during lunch, I found out from Jen that she would be leaving her job. This was the last thing I wanted to hear after the previous events. I do not deal with bad news or people I get attached to leaving very well.I was lost and adrift in the two weeks in between my supervisor leaving and I leaving in October. Mary’s passing was a tough pill to swallow. It was with that in mind that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her before she left. But as early as a week ago, reality began to sink in on a rainy night in Brooklyn for her friend’s birthday party. I was out of sync last Friday night as it was a longer week than I’m used to and I felt lost in the shuffle with me sitting at the table’s edge and she at the table’s head. I’m not good in social situations alone.
Today was Jen’s last day. We celebrated with a pot-luck lunch for the entire staff. But before the food was served and after she spoke, we were asked if anyone wanted to speak. I couldn’t make it to the front of the room fast enough. I spoke and did my best to hold myself together before the two of us hugged and as with the memorial service, I was complemented on my speech by my co-workers. It was about 4PM and as I was helping my supervisor take the garbage out to the dock, I couldn’t hold my emotions in any longer and started to cry. Jen is the first person since high school I’ve felt close to. She busted through the wall I’d built up the moment after I took my first steps out of Long Island City High School on 6/27/03. Before I left, I went into the office again and gave her another hug, trying to hold back the tears but to no avail. Next week, the thought of walking into the PDC and not seeing her will be tough to bear. In time, the fact that our friendship will endure negates the sadness I feel today.
You never know who will walk in to your life and change it. In this case, it was changed for the better. I’m thankful for every moment spent together. Thanks to you, I’m starting to find the sense of self I never had. Jen, you crazy diamond, shine on!
