A positive year for a negative person
The title of this post describes 2015 in a nutshell. I’m not the most positive person by nature but a lot of positive moments happened in the last twelve months. The title is a riff on one of my favorite albums this year , Frank Turner’s “Positive Songs for Negative People” To get a sense of how the year unfolded, we have to start at the beginning.
I started the year with momentum coming off a 2014 that saw me promoted to being a full time donation/dispatch associate. The year took about three weeks before the first big events happened. The night of January 21st saw me have dinner with my good friend and former colleague, Jen. Over that three hour dinner, we made up for eight months of not seeing each other, yet we kept in touch the whole time. But it felt peaceful to have one on one time with someone I deeply care about.
This year was also one of plenty of transition. The first one doubles as a major milestone. On January 30th, I made it to one year employed and celebrated with the Jack White & Run The Jewels concert at MSG that night. It wasn’t an easy ride though. I had only been working full time since September 8th and in that time, it was a struggle to function on a daily basis as I didn’t have any of the professionalism to complement the skills learned. As a result, I had quite a few moments this year where the facade cracked. But despite all that, I’ve made it through a calendar year working and am ongoing work in progress. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment in reaching this date as every other place I’ve volunteered at, I never made it past six months, let alone past my birthday. The only downside is, I have difficulty staying positive all day long and no idea how to permanently fix the problem.
The transitions were happening around the office as well. At the end of the year of the six of us that started, half of us are still here. One friend was let go in February and another left before Thanksgiving. Both of these moments hit me deep as I was close to both colleagues and without them, I’m not where I’m at now. Time goes on and there are five of us now and we’ve gelled as a unit for the most part even with a few bumps in the road. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss both of my friends dearly.
About a week after the first friend left, I took another major step forward. I had wanted to travel since I got off the plane in Chicago last Labor Day. On Valentine’s Day, I decided that I was heading to Madrid as a 30th birthday present. I booked my trip on February 22nd and as I was making the reservation in the wee hours of that morning, my hands shook all the way through. But I knew that this would be an extraordinary moment, I wouldn’t know it at the time.
A major flurry of activity would come in the next few months from Bridget Everett: Rock Bottom, to Bob’s Burger’s Live, the Subway Series, and my first Red Bulls game. On May 30th, I finally paid off the trip in full but I was afraid to tell my parents about the trip as I was going to Spain alone as part of a tour group. To my surprise, they were happy that I was doing this. I was only getting warmed up.
The summer would keep the train of activity rolling. My moments included the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island, Rush on the R40 tour @ MSG, happy hour with my original supervisor and a succession of birthday parties and barbecues at the end of June and July. Then came my favorite concert of the year, the Foo Fighters at Citi Field on July 16th. Four years of missed chances emanated in one memorable night, with an assist from my awesome sister and the field seats she got me as a bonus birthday present. I enjoyed every minute of that night and didn’t want it to end. From “Everlong” to “Best of You”, I was in full voice the entire night.
The next day came the day and the train derailed. I could feel the previous night’s euphoria slipping away. I was at a party in Brooklyn that Friday afternoon but I enjoyed myself a bit too much, to the point that I’d become dehydrated. I should not have mixed my drinks but I did and as I saw the IV sticking out of my arm, it was a further reminder of my stupidity. As I was getting re-hydrated, I was forced to confront an ugly truth: when drinking, I turn into Fun Bobby from Friends, chatty and the life of the party and when I’m sober I become Charlie Brown, meek and downtrodden. I began to ponder the reason why this is and it’s because social engagements provoke such self consciousness and anxiety that I drink to help me come to life, not caring about the risks that come with that strategy. As of that night, I made a vow to myself that I would be more careful with drinking and let go of the notion that if I drink more , it’ll make me more sociable.
As summer gave way to the fall, the Spain trip was getting closer. The Sunday of Labor Day weekend gave me another experience. I went kayaking with my friend and colleague from work. It was a serene seeing the George Washington Bridge up close and accomplishing the task to counter the pain in my shoulders after it was over. That same week, I went to see my friends group, Erin & Her Cello perform at Joe’s Pub in the front row, I got a bit of news as to what was to come. My two friends Erin & Gabe got married on October 16th at a beautiful ceremony at the Greenpoint Loft in Brooklyn. It was the first time all of us had been in the same room together since the night of July 31st 2014 and we were celebrating their CD release. With a clear sky and an epic view of Manhattan, this became a highlight of my year. I felt so alive in a way that I don’t feel every day but wish I could. It was totally worth the day off to be there, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Everything that I had done this year had led up to the week of November 15th. I was heading to Spain on vacation, visiting Madrid, Granada & Seville along the way. Despite the bumpy start to the trip, I had the time of my life. Over the course of the week, there was good food and drink, great people on the tour group and the beautiful scenery of Spain taking center stage. I was at a level of peace I haven’t previously been in before. When things are at their worst, my mind drifts back to this happy place. I often wonder what could’ve been had I continued on to Barcelona before coming home.
As Thanksgiving gave way to December, I had reason to celebrate thanks to my 30th birthday. With my sister in Hawaii celebrating her birthday, I made the best of the day. I went and had a nice tapas lunch at Sangria 46 and then awakened my inner child in the form the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. The last time I was there for the spectacular was in 2007 but I was in the third mezzanine as opposed to the orchestra section this year. The love felt from everyone over the course of the day countered the awkwardness of dinner that night. The month would go by quickly as all of the holiday events from the office holiday party to Christmas Eve dinner with my family and Christmas Day dinner back where this year began, with my good friend Jen’s apartment with ten of her good friends. Peace and goodwill was had by all in both cases. There’s one more act before 2015 comes to an end, a New Year’s Eve party in Soho.
As I’ve mentioned at the start of the post, a lot happened this year. The majority of these moments were positive, and some negative. I’m hoping that the new year brings me and everyone I love happiness and joy. There’s a bit to look forward to in the first half of the year ahead from the Barber of Seville at the Metropolitan Opera on New Year’s Day to concerts by Black Sabbath, The Who, David Gilmour and The Cure as well as the New York Rangers/Pittsburgh Penguins game. On April 29th, I will see my cousin graduate from college. And hopefully in the second half of the year, I’ll travel again. My major goal for the new year is to embrace being positive and not let the surrounding negativity have control over my life. I want to make some sort of leap forward in 2016, I’m not sure what part of my life that needs to change. Is it so wrong that despite all that I’ve done, feel like I haven’t moved the needle very much in life thus far?.
I wish all of my friends, family, their families and those that read the blog a Happy New Year! One thing that doesn’t change, Mr Sondheim gets the last word. The following lyrics are from his 1971 show Follies and the song is “I’m Still Here”:
I’ve run the gamut, A to Z
Three cheers and dammit, C’est la vie
I got through all of last year, and I’m here
Lord knows, at least I was there, and I’m here
Look who’s here, I’m still here
