Nothing that has happened so far has been anything we could control
I was hoping that the year would begin on a high note, but it wasn’t the case. New Year’s Eve was with my parents as my sister was invited to a friend’s house for dinner. I was quietly sulking over seeing everyone’s pictures of how they were spending the evening. All dressed up and no place to go. If it wasn’t for me coming in the room, my parents would have slept through the beginning of the new year if not for my sister’s phone call at 12:02AM on New Year’s Day.
As the first days of the new year came and went, I was still in the same place as I was at the start of the previous year, minus the internships. I already knew that the bi-lingual customer service representative job went to someone else. I was happy for that as the combination of early shifts and having to deal with angry parents and city agencies made the job less appealing, even with the paycheck. I felt optimistic but still waited on the decision for Housing Works and whether the effort put into selling myself into being their next donation/dispatch associate would pay off.
But on January 11th, I was dealt a double whammy. In the morning, I found out that the temporary work I was told would be coming was put on hold. Then that evening, I got a worse piece of news, that the permanent position I interviewed for went to someone else. I tried to be conciliatory but I felt horrible inside. I put all of the effort, had arguably the best job interview I had so far and it still wasn’t enough to find a permanent job. I was still pissed off about the result when I arrived to do my job search last Monday morning and met with my counselor.
I told her that the previous arrangement where I both looked for work and volunteered at the same time worked . Since October 30th, the weeks were split as follows: Monday I’d be out of the house job searching, the rest of the week was spent at home, half hardheartedly searching for work on my computer but mostly wasting the days away doing nothing except admiring my friend’s lives on Facebook. I lost my sense of purpose and accomplishment. So it was suggested that I email my former supervisor and the call center supervisor to see if either of the knew of any volunteer opportunities. Neither of them did but before I could search their website to see what was available, another co-worker , who happens to be the loss prevention manager for the stores stepped in to help me.
Which leads us to today. I arrived at the thrift store on Crosby Street in Soho early and killed time at the bookstore next door. It was after twelve and a familiar face greeted me and took me upstairs. There were twelve folders that needed to be separated by “tax exempt” and everything else and put into labeled bags for each store. From high above, I was able to see everything yet end up in solitude, a contrast to the PDC where everything was happening in and around the office where I worked. I also had to put the tax exempt papers into their own envelopes. The last task involved an archenemy from my internship at the PDC, the paper shredder and an entire box of papers that had be shredded. It didn’t help that the shredder crapped out on me just as I got to the bottom of the box , I had to do it all by hand. But at 3:30PM, I took in a sigh of relief as I got everything done. The sense of accomplishment had come back. I couldn’t be happier to be back in Housing Work’s orbit, even if it’s only on Tuesdays.
The balancing act has resumed. I don’t want to get so wrapped up in volunteering that I lose the sight of the goal of finding a permanent job. But at the same time, I don’t want to focus solely on job hunting either and then end up both isolating myself and thinking the question “is that all there is to life? ” all the time. The notion that “finding a job is a full time job” doesn’t work for me. This is another new way, I REALLY hope it works this time.
