Crossroads

As my Facebook status update this morning alluded to, my time as an Intern at Housing Works’s Product Distribution Center has come to an end.   I feel two emotions right now: Sadness and Satisfaction. I’m bummed out as everyone was so kind to me the entire time I was there. But I also leave knowing that for the most part, nothing went wrong which was a pleasant surprise, Given my past track record in volunteering, when I came in to the warehouse for the first time and met my then supervisor, I had reason to be worried that this would end as the the last one did, transferred out for murky reasons beyond my control.

But  my fears went away the moment after I introduced myself in the interview.  I remember the scene well, Tuesday May 21st. It was 90 degrees outside and my vocational counselor insisted that I prepare for this as if it were an actual job interview.  So I was boiling in my suit to the point where I took the jacket off and went for a cup of water before beginning.  But I noticed she wasn’t dressed formally as her neon green scarf immediately caught my eye.  Everything was set, I would start there on Tuesday June 6th and end on August 6th, completing the forty day work readiness program.

It takes time for me to warm up to people, whether they are family or complete strangers.  That was the reason why I kept my head down and only interacted with my supervisor at the start. That and I was focusing on typing out all the papers I was given to make one long Word document related to thrift store operations.  On occasion I would break focus and laugh every time my supervisor started to sing Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” at every opportunity. As June wore on, I would be introduced to the staff at the Donation Call Center and thus my day would be split in half between sorting receipts and helping my supervisor, so much so that a verbal tug of war began over who side I was on.

The long, hot summer continued on. It was a bit of an endurance test as there’s only one room in the entire building that had air conditioning.  So I was sweating everywhere that wasn’t a subway car or a bus.   But the people surrounding me would make the summer bearable.  One person in particular had a positive effect on my life and I met her at some point in July.  I enjoyed seeing this person every time I was there and felt her happiness radiate to me in a way I’ve not felt since leaving high school.  All it takes is one person to change your perspective on life.

I thought I was going to be done on Thursday, August 6th. But a phone call a week before from my counselor changed everything. Since everything was going well, I was extended another 24 business days. Spread out over Tuesdays and Thursdays, the new end date would be Tuesday October 29th.  My immediate reaction was one of frustration and wondering what else was needed to evaluate me.  All the volunteering I’ve done while beneficial, has served to belay the fact that I failed to plan out my future and had nothing other than my degree to stand on. I’ve been desperate to find a paying job as without it, I can’t live life to the fullest like everyone else .  But then I realized that I was happy in the situation I was in at the moment and pushed my anger aside.  I was more determined than ever to see this out to its completion.

Summer would finally give way to Fall. But not before the dispatcher would take another job and my supervisor would move to another position within the organization.  The challenge now would be keeping focused on the tasks at hand without anyone to guide me. I am terrible at showing initiative and always have been.  I admit there were moments where I should’ve asked if there was anything that needed to be done but kept quiet.

I didn’t know how much of an impact I’d make until today. For starters, the Donation Call Center had hatched a plan to kidnap me so I wouldn’t have to leave.  It was in jest, of course. I wrangled that mess of receipts as it grew and grew, box by box. I got a card that everyone on staff signed as well as a gift bag from the assistant floor manager.  I was embarrassed when lunch was held in my honor and everyone began to praise me, I’m not used to positive attention. As I was saying my goodbyes and walked out the front door, reality began to set in.

I leave the PDC with nothing but gratitude for everyone there. It was a great three months being an intern.  When I left Employee Health on May 13th, I was crushed. Today, I leave in a happier mood. I’m sure the notion of having my routine disrupted and the fact that there’s a void now will eventually bring sadness. Then the anxiety over not knowing where I’ll end up next will surface. One thing’s for sure: This chapter of my story is over, the rest of the book is still unwritten.