At The Time Of Writing

Christmas Day in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. The sun had just set on a day where we had lunch with our cousins. But it was time for all of us to head on home. A beautiful scene on a frigid day.

At the time of writing, it's Wednesday, December 28th..

The namesake of this post comes from the track of the same name of my favorite album from this year, Midnight Oil's, "Resist".

There are three days left in 2022. This year went by so quickly, yet a lot happened over the last twelve months.

But where does one begin to tell the story of the year that was...

Just as the clock struck twelve on January 1st, a dark house. I posted my New Year's welcome message and twisted the cap of my mini bottle of Mionetto Prosecco. The barrage of fireworks next door could be heard, not seen while everyone else slept. After a difficult 2021, a welcome to 2022.

This is how the year began, in the dead of night. I had a mini bottle of Prosecco waiting in the fridge on the chance that most of my family would be asleep at midnight on New Year’s Eve. I made a silent wish as I twisted open the cap.

The difficulties at work carried over to the start of the new year.

In an office of three people, it's noticeable when one person doesn't show. And the month dragged on, covering more donors, entering more data and wondering when the office would be fully staffed again. On the 28th of January, my fellow donations associate resigned her position. As sad as I was to see her go since we'd worked together for the last three years, this moment wasn't a shock as there were family issues in the last few months that came up leading up to this.

The shortest month of the year would provide a moment of normalcy, a creative outlet and the launch pad for a major change.

On Groundhog Day, gray skies dawned over NYC. I had reason to be joyful as I went to see my friend Eliane Amherd perform at City Vineyard. Her album La Dégustation was released in the fall of 2021. I bought the ticket for the album release show that November, hoping that COVID wouldn't get in the way. And thankfully, the night went on as scheduled. With the entire album, a wine tasting of Swiss wines set to music being performed and the room feeling like a cozy ski chalet. A moment of life as it was before the pandemic.

The band that brought La Degustation to life: Eliane Amherd, Beat Kaestli, Amanda Ruza & Rosa Avila.

The creative side of me also got a workout in February. On a scrolling whim, I joined the artist Katie Kay Chelena's challenge, "Bad Poet". 29 days with a new poem written based on the day's prompt. I never did something like this before. And there were challenges with expanding my poetic form beyond free verse and haiku. But I completed every prompt.

As the month ended, I would share my story of resiliency with the podcast ...And Life Happened. My story of resilience also became animated, becoming part of the author Kristin Sherry's series of children's books, "You've Got Quirks & You're Wonderful". Both of these events came up on whims but I saw each moment as a chance to have my story resonate with people. In the knowledge that it's okay to embrace every inch of ourselves. On Valentine's night, I would join my friend Tina on a call and be introduced to the high priestess of self belief that is the Queen with a Crooked Crown aka Felice. It wouldn't be the last time this year that our paths would cross.

The events that led to this moment happened by chance. As Kristin was a guest on the Better Call Daddy podcast and the host Reena Friedman Watts brought my story to her attention. An email was all that it took to set the wheels in motion. And after thirteen months, the envelope was in the mail with a signed copy of her book before it was formally released.

March was a month where the change of mindshift began to sink in.

The work was twofold, joining my friend Rachel Jackson's program "Awaken The Abundant You" and weekly calls with my friend Wendy Harrop. I began to realize through these calls and the inner work that life as it was wasn't serving me. Being the one that everyone leaned on in the midst of bringing on a new coworker to the donations team. All it did was cause further build up of pressure.

Winter became spring.

I took a rare moment of time away from the office in the first week of April. As I tend to do so a lot later in the year, but I needed to catch my breath after rough sailing in the first quarter of the year. With the request locked in, I also rebooked my ticket for the Broadway revival of the musical, "Company". As I was slated to see the show the day after Christmas in 2021 per my sister's birthday gift, but the pandemic canceled both performances that day. The day finally came and from the moment of the overture, the smile couldn't be kept off of my face.

Just before showtime, the Playbill from the afternoon matinee of Company on April 6th. Katrina Lenk did not go on as Bobbie during this performance, but her understudy was more than up to the task of the titular role.

It was a respite from the challenge that April is, in the run up to the spring fundraiser. For added fun, I took on the poet Amy Kay's "Poem a Day" challenge for NaPoWriMo. I didn't know that a national poetry writing month existed, aware that November was national novel writing month. I never completed that challenge and didn't plan to join up with this challenge. Until my friend and fellow poet Erin Dansevicus tagged me on the welcome post, that was. At 7pm on April 1st, the first poem was hastily done. I would eagerly await each post from Amy every day and get each prompt completed.

The following poem is my response to the 30th prompt of Amy Kay’s Poem A Day. To write a poem that begins in one place and ends in another. As it was on Sunday, September 29th, 2019 when our group took the TGV train from Paris to Avignon.

The month of May brought an impromptu gathering and unexpected changes.

It began at the end of one of the Awaken calls. Rachel mentioned that she was visiting New York the week of the 9th for a media conference, Unfair Advantage Live. The idea was then floated about for myself, Rachel and my friend Tina to meet for dinner. I couldn't jump on this moment fast enough. And there I was in the afternoon of the 9th outside the tapas bar, Socarrat. From the corner of the street, they appeared and I ran towards them with a smile on my face. It didn't come off all evening as the late afternoon sun welcomed us to the table. Late in the evening, I mentioned that our friend Jayati Vora lived in NYC and we reached her and she joined us at the table. What started as an impromptu gathering became a mini Made To Do This reunion. I was on cloud nine closing my eyes that night.

At the end of a lovely evening. Myself, Rachel, Tina & Jayati posed for one more photo together. The waitress serving our table was happy to oblige.

The feeling of euphoria didn't last very long. As the pandemic made its way to our door after two years and it went through all of us. It was rare for me to call out sick but it happened. And management couldn't get me back to work fast enough. On top of this, the call center manager resigned to find a job closer to home. The ground shifted under foot once again as I was the last person standing in the office from before the pandemic.

Summer brought on more changes. A new associate and manager came aboard and I had to bring them both up to speed. In the midst of the chaos, I would find a moment to catch my breath overlooking the skyline from the roof garden of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The last time I was at the Met was in college. I was taking an art appreciation class and a visit to the museum was part of the syllabus. It was a rushed visit on a Sunday morning. This time around, I took my time walking around the building and inevitably ended up at the Roof Garden. With a beer in my hand, I looked out to the rest of Manhattan’s skyline.

Then came that fateful July day.

I had a chance to check in with management. And as I sat down, the words came out of my mouth, I was ready to make a change. The breaking point was hit between the constant din of my name being uttered and having to step into the middle of everything. Being a manager in name only, I was burned out after the last two years. I didn't think that this day would come. There was no other way out from feeling lousy in my mind except to quit. The date was set in stone for the 11th of November.

With the summer hitting latter days, two long awaited events were still on the calendar.

On the night of August 31st, Roger Waters and his This Is Not A Drill! tour arrived at MSG for a second night. This show was originally slated for August 6th, 2020 but the pandemic delayed things. I felt a bit uneasy all night as I wanted to stay healthy and not get sick again. It felt like the whole world changed as I couldn't find MSG at first. But when I walked in, I was home. And the show was a spectacle of sound, vision and politics. To be fair, Roger added the following disclaimer before he and his band opened the show with a slowed down version of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb": "If you're one of those that love Pink Floyd but I can't stand Roger's politics, you might do well to fuck off to the bar right now". To me, this night was worth using the Ticketmaster gift card from my birthday in 2019 for a better seat.

The opening moments of the show. As a slowed down verson of Comfortably Numb began, the stage was separated by a giant four-sided video screen. Reminiscent of The Wall, but in the middle of the arena with the crowd on each side.

As summer turned to fall, the moment that I waited two years for had arrived. A twelve day tour of Italy! I can't thank my sister enough for encouraging me to rebook this trip and give it an extra year in the hopes that the pandemic would subside enough to make this trip possible.

The day had finally arrived! My passport was checked, so was my suitcase. It was time to take the walk down the ramp towards the plane. After two years, it was finally time to take off towards Italy.

There I was at the arrival terminal of the airport in Venice on the morning of September 21st. All 28 of us and our guide Andrea set off on a tour from Venice to Sorrento. So many sights seen, food and drink consumed and moments shared in good company. I didn't want to come home after my first international trip in three years. And I almost missed my flight home from Paris after being delayed in Naples. Maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.

On the first full day of the Italy trip, our first stop was a trip to the island of Murano, off of the Venetian lagoon. With the Doge’s Palace and the Campanile at St, Mark’s Square along the horizon.

The evening of Sunday, September 25th. Not long after our bus arrived in Rome, our guide Andrea led us on a walking tour of our neighborhood. At this point, the Palazzo del Quirinale is on the left side, home to the Italian president. And in front of us, the tallest point in all of Rome with Vatican City on the horizon.

One of my favorite photos taken this year. You might be wondering, how did I end up in the same photo twice? At the end of our visit of Naples, we stopped by the waterfront for gelato. I was called over by one of my group mates and told to run to the back when she gave the signal. A split second later…magic happened.

I returned to work on October 3rd. And I knew something was up when my colleagues were encouraging me to turn back. The truth was worse, the office imploded during my vacation and our manager was fired, my fellow associate nearly walked out and not much work was completed. Once again, it was time to pick up the pieces.

Time was running quickly toward the last day. I would have to tell my parents about quitting my job. And they had every right to be worried. By the end of the conversation, I was in tears. In time, even they realized that I wasn't happy in the place I was in.

With that anchor off my chest, it was time to bring my tenure as a donations associate to a close. I didn't say to everyone that I was leaving to not make a spectacle of it. I walked into the break room on the afternoon of the 11th of November and saw the lunch spread and cake on the table. It took a second to realize that it was all for me. For the fact that I'm a quiet person, this was a moment of unexpected validation from the entire staff for everything that I've done in eight years. As I logged off my computer one last time, I took a deep breath. Just like that, the only full-time job I've ever known was over.

A pair of scenes from the last day on the job. I didn’t expect any of this when the day began, as I kept my departure on the low. This is the moment when it finally hit me, my time as a donations associate was coming to to an end.

At the time of writing, I'm in a season of transition.

The next job hasn't materialized yet. But with my experience, my resume has more weight than it did at the start of my tenure. Of course, the debate rages on in my mind as to whether or not this was the right course of action to take. One thing is for sure, there’s still the sense of belief that the next job is on the horizon.

At the time of writing, I took on another creative challenge. Joining the 9th cohort of the poet Megan Falley's poetry course, "Poems That Don't Suck". The five weeks were a revelation. Never before did I think about editing, thesis statements or tinsel when writing poetry. I would just write to the prompt and hit Share. I didn’t expect to doubt my ability to write poetry so much either. But the five weeks in the course were something new that I needed to try. As one can’t stick to their old ways forever.

With the World Cup and the holidays gone by, this year is coming to a close. Although there's a lot of uncertainty at the moment, there's also a spirit of undying hope heading into the new year.

I can't thank all of you enough!

For every like, comment and share with each post I've created this year. I hope that 2023 brings you everything that excites and delights you.

From me to you wherever you are in the world, a Happy New Year!

As is tradition for the last blog post of the year, we conclude with the words from Stephen Sondheim and the last verse of the song, "I'm Still Here" from his 1971 musical, "Follies":

I've run the gamut.

A to Z.

Three cheers and dammit,

C'est la vie.

I got through all of last year

And I'm here.

Lord knows, at least I was there,

And I'm here!

Look who's here!

I'm still here!